Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
