My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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