apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
