I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
