remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
