Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
