We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
