You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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