I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
