ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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