I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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