Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
