PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
