She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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