I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
