Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
