I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
