You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Randomize
