You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
