at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
