Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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