Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
