Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
