I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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