Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
