Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
