tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
