Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
