just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
