Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
