On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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