Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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