I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
