This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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