Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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