i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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