that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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