YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
