Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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