Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
