I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize