I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
