Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
