I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
