That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
