Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
