dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
