Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
