I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
