Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
