I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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