and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My life is pants optional.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
