Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
